9/19/07:

"God Working Overtime" - by Rachelle Barina

God exists. This simple claim has been taught to me most by my grandparents, two wonderful, loving people who have had a tremendous impact on my life.

Over the past few years, my grandmother’s health has progressively declined. A woman that I once saw as so flawless, elegant, smart, and compassionate now has difficulty doing ordinary tasks.

Not only is this difficult for her, but it is becoming increasingly overwhelming for my 91 year old Grandfather, whom I love and care about so much. Each time I talk to them on the phone, I am distress by the pain and grief in my Grandpa’s voice. I become more conscious of the isolating suffering that my Grandfather constantly experiences as a result of my Grandma’s state, and the fact that there is nothing I can do to heal this burden.

When I see this, I ask, where is God? Amidst all of this, how can I see God. To be honest, sometimes when I visit them I look and look, but I hardly can see God amidst all the despair. For me, seeing God in difficult requires that I stop looking and instead slow down, and pray. 

For me, prayer means being present to God. In difficult times, prayer is a way, sometimes the only way, that I feel God. Prayer MIGHT mean trying to find words to talk to God, but often I feel like Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty, when he screams, “God please just give me a sign!” while passing by an outrageous number of construction signs.

Yet, oddly, it is in times of pain, when I don’t see a lot of signs of God’s presence, that I have encountered God most fully. This happens in prayer, but not when I try to talk to God. I feel God most by sitting in silence and not talking or asking, but listening. If anyone knows what pain is, surely, it is God. So welcoming a space of silence and then letting God fill it is allowing God to have a presence, to be in solidarity with our difficulty.

Often, when I pray for my Grandparents, there simply are no words that come to mind. This is where God exists. God exists in the empty spaces. God exists in the silence. We live in a culture of words, where we always try to say something to bring about comfort and healing. But instead of striving to define and articulate, God is present when I stop talking and simply listen. God has chosen us and will not desert us in difficult times, so long as we do not desert God but instead give God a place to be present with us. If we do this- If we let God be present to us, we will find peace, comfort, and calmness amidst tribulation.

I would like to close with words from a song that we frequently hear at church, words that I have heard so often but never really contemplated. These words are what I would offer up to anyone struggling- words that capture the presence of God during times of difficulty.

I will come to you in the silence
I will life you from all your fear
You will hear my voice
I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am near

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine.